I’ve been quiet on the blogging front, and there’s one very good reason for that…I’ve been way too busy!
Lately, it feels like I’m being pulled in a hundred different directions. Most of this is my own doing: I like to be busy. I like it because when my mind is full of all the things I need and want to do, I don’t have time to think about the things that I think I should or shouldn’t do.
In case I haven’t mentioned it enough, one of the hallmarks of Borderline Personality Disorder is emotional instability and being easily overwhelmed by one’s emotions.
My emotions can really get the better of me when I slow down and think about the state of the world or the state of my life. Don’t get me wrong — my life is great! But telling you this now while sitting calmly behind my computer screen, and knowing that in a moment when I’m feeling emotional or overwhelmed, are most definitely not the same thing. Logic goes out the window when my emotions have hit the available extremes.
Take house cleaning, for one simple example. My house is a mess. It’s always a mess. I have four kids, two pets, and three businesses to run! I don’t have much time for house cleaning, and I don’t care much for it, either. Add to it that I don’t believe in the concept of telling yourself (or someone else) what they should or shouldn’t do, and you’d expect that I’d not care about my messy house.
But when I’m feeling emotional, my confidence is replaced by overwhelming guilt. Am I a bad mom for not having a clean house? Am I lazy for sitting down to read this book? Does having a messy house mean I’m not a good person? These are ridiculous thoughts and clearly wrong, but in the moment, they feel like perfectly valid and well-reasoned judgements of my deeply flawed lifestyle.
These emotions can become so pervasive (and persuasive) that they replace all of my ability to reason the truth: that my house is messy because cleaning it isn’t my priority. And that’s perfectly okay.
I believe in living a minimal lifestyle. When we cut the clutter in our lives, both literally and metaphorically, we make room for clearer, creative thinking. I think best when my house is clean and therefore not distracting, but since cleaning is not a priority, I focus isn’t on de-cluttering. This less stuff I accumulate, the easier my home is to maintain.
The same goes for my to-do list. I will always be busy. That is the nature of being a mom and an entrepreneur. But there’s a line where busy becomes too busy, and I recently crossed it. I have to declutter to make room for me.
Thankfully, I’m getting back control of my schedule, and therefore also my mind, making room for my thoughts and my creativity again.